Rashmi, age 27, working in an MNC in Gurgaon recently faced a relationship break-up. She saw it coming for many months now, however when it actually happened it stuck her like a lightning bolt. For past many months, relationship was going through rough patches. She knew it wasn’t meant for her. However, the actual break-up made her terribly sad. She couldn’t focus on her work, she was feeling depressed and she was no longer her normal self. Her small family and social circle also weren’t able to provide her the comfort she was looking at this juncture.
Above scenario happens with so many of us. It hits us badly and impacts our mental well-being. Why is it so tough to handle break-ups?
Relationships are beautiful but are hard to build. It requires a lot of effort, time and heart. We do everything we possibly can to make our dear ones happy and to ensure that our relationships work out but sometimes the equation never settles. Breakups are difficult for everyone and no matter what resulted in falling apart of a relationship one invested everything in.
Breakups tend to have an effect on a person’s psychological process, the thinking, the emotions and their cognitive abilities too. It is depressing and harsh no matter how light one tries to make it sound. Here are a few tips on managing breakups:
Don’t Cage Yourself: Caging and suffocating yourself with a heap of emotions budding inside is not the right thing to do. Hiding your tears, trying to act all strong and unaffected is not going to help you out. You are a human and a human has the right to express. Be kind to yourself and relieve yourself of the pain. Cry your heart out and explain yourself to someone who would listen to you, understand you and will know how to be a healer to you. It could be a parent, a sibling, a friend, anyone whom you know that you can rely on.
Give Anger Its Space: Breakups tend to make people angry. It is very natural to be angry for being rejected, cast away or shut out from someone’s life for whom you dedicate so much of your time, emotions and energies. Give your anger some space and vent it constructively. Resort to music, art, writing, meditation or whatever helps you connect with your heart and marginalize the negative energies into doing something productive.
Know Your Worth: Remember the best of your relationship that fell apart, focus on the learning curve, identify your best qualities and try to work through your issues. It is easier said than done but you can always seek help from a friend, from a sibling, from a therapist. Look up to people whom you can trust with their sincerity. Be kind to yourself.
Engage in some activities: activities such as meeting an old friend or calling a family member, going for a comedy movie, pampering yourself with spa, beauty services or new wardrobe, doing something you love will definitely help you reduce your depression.
Make a list of reasons why this relationship wasn’t good for you: studies have shown that listing reasons why relationship wasn’t working, or it was not a right one for you helps you come out of trauma soon. Think about situations when you had fought, or other person didn’t care for you etc.
Speak and Be Spoken To: Do not treat the idea of being counselled as negative. It is not negative. If something saddens or angers you to an extent that it affects your mood, attitude, thought process, perceptions, emotions and self-confidence, it is deteriorating your mental health which must not be taken for granted. Speaking to someone who knows how to help can help you in healing faster. Allowing them to speak to you may create doors which you never thought they could exist. Untold stories and stifled emotions make you weaker over the long run, don’t break yourself. Let your human nature be itself. It is important to narrate your story, identify the problems, work through the issues, expel the negative energies, understand the point of your standing, seeing the way forward and realizing that the future will not be shaped by who takes the blame but how you learn and move forward. It isn’t easy to do but it doable. Counselling can be of great help.
Managing a breakup is difficult because we are emotional beings, but demeaning oneself and shutting out life itself is not an option. Be kind to yourself and seek help, it’s perfectly alright and it’s surely a positive move. You may watch some very interesting videos about break-ups on youtube.
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